I received a unique gift for Christmas... a sign that said Mama Tried....

It's hugely symbolic to me because Mama tried... to crush my dreams, my creativity. She would proudly crow to others about her talented daughter all the while letting me know I was wasting my time. All the while doting on her other daughter. She was a bigger than life talent herself, a radio star in Central America in the 50's, who solidly told me I couldn't sing when I was 14. And because Mama said I couldnt, my voice dried up. I could still play my guitar in 8th grade music class but my vocal chords became silent. My teacher, Mr. Guillermo, called her into school to demand what she had done to a child with a sweet voice that was silent and she told him I couldnt sing. When he berated her she pulled up her full 5"2' stature up toward his towering figure and asked him, "are YOU a radio star? Do You know that my child can sing?" And then took my elbow and marched me out of that classroom all the while mumbling in spanish.

Mama Tried... she tried putting me in dance class and gymnastics and piano lessons. When a little girl got discouraged she promptly pulled her out of those childhood classes and deemed her first born a quitter. Guitar lessons were no different. A child's fingers cut by steel strings was one more failure to her. An electric guitar lasted a week in her house. Almost two decades would follow before an instrument would find its way into my hands again. I wanted to go to college and study art and earn my B.A., I ended up in community college because she didnt want me leaving home. When I made a career for myself as a Nationally known wedding photographer, it wasn't all that. Finally committinng myself to music at the ripe young age of 57, I didn't tell her. I simply started to sing and play a beautiful guitar, step on stage and feel the happiness people shared when I connected with them.

Mama Tried... to squash the dreams of a girl she couldn't control. Perhaps it was her anger toward a career left behind, perhaps it was more altruistic, a Mother's tough love meant to teach me the strength and toughness I would need to be a creative soul and make my living or die by it.

So now i have this sign in my bedroom. A sign that reminds me that for all the times Mama Tried, she couldn't truly squash my dreams or creativity. That I have indeed risen above it all.